oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
foreskin is a definite game changer
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
