Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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