I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
