did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
