We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize