he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
