my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
