her vagine was all disorganized.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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