i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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