You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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