his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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