so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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