If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
