Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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