I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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