he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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