i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize