My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
