dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
