Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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