Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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