Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
