Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
