Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
