babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
