she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
