Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got inside last night via doggy door
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
