Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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