Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
