Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you didnt know i had herpes?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
