So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
