Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
