Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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