So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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