Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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