Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
