3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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