I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
