My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
