i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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