I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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