She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
