Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
