Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
