Only a mothe r could love this liver
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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