I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
