I could have mohawked her pubes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
