WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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