How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
