If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
