is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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