His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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