I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
