well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
