The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
