So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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