Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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