So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
